Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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