i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
