somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
