People in love make me want to vomit
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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