no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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