I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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