wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
