i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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