I puked a lego.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
