i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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