So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
