Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
