Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
