I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
