I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
