Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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