No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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