so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
