How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
