I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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