I wanna passion pit in your ass
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
