whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
