omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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