what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
