Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
even my farts smell like vagina
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
