she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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