i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
