why didn't you poke me back
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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