I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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