im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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