If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
