having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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