Pappa wants mamma naked
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
