Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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