Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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