Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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