I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
