i permit you to call me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
