one two three fourrrrnication!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
