and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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