i just wanna soil my oats bro
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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