im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
