He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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