you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
