i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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