My room smells like vodka and shame
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
