i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
