I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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