And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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