girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
