My nipple is on Facebook.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
