Come see our sink grown plant.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
