Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
