dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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